Am I becoming white trash?
Ok, so last week I went to the Daytona 500. I went as a joke because I wanted to see my white trash friend chuck in his natural habitat. I was mullet counting and lost count at about 4,000. My favorite saying that is used by 99.9 % of white trash is son of a bitch. Only you don't pronounce it like it looks its pronounced "sumbich". For example my favorite quote of the weekend was when we were watching the race and this explosively white trash guy stood up and screamed..Well let me describe this special man that touched my heart. First off he was a Jeff Gordon fan; he had a mesh number 24 hat on. Big reflective sun glasses with mirrors on the side just in case someone like me tries to sneak up and fluff his endlessly flowing mullet. His mustache was so perfect, let's just say that if Tom Selleck was in seven his sin would have been envy. It was that phenomenal. He had on giant headphones which he can tune into Jeff Gordon's pit crew and listen to what they are saying. He then says every word he heard to his white trash sick ass wife. His shirt well I should say tank top was a V neck style complete with mustard stain. Wrangler jeans which were lacking a belt so we were treated to a nice ass crack shot every time he reached into his Jeff Gordon cooler to grab another beer. I looked at my friend and bet him anything that he was drinking good old boy Budweiser's. I have never been so happy to be wrong, out popped a six pack of none other than pabst blue ribbon. I should have known with a mustache like that he would be firing down nothing but the best. Oh he had a mullet too. Well anyways NASCAR is like church because all u do is stand up and sit down. So one time when the cars were coming around the turn he stands up and looks at his wife and screams "them sumbichs running three wide, sumbiches running three wide" he then pumped his fist and jumped up and down. He had a smile on his face like a kid on Christmas. I think he was so happy he might not even beat his wife that night. Apparently running three wide is like the biggest thing in NASCAR because it means there is a good chance of a wreck. I have to admit after Saturday's race I was excited for Sundays. By the end of the night we were doing shots for Dale Earnhart and talking NASCAR. I was slowly becoming what I began the weekend making fun of. As a matter of fact me and my roommate were discussing NASCAR on Friday night then about 20 minutes into our conversation he stopped talking and looked down and said "what the fuck is wrong with us". That night when I was getting ready for bed I glanced in the mirror just to see if a mustache was growing in.
THIS IS SHIT I HAVE COME UP WITH SITTING HERE ALL FUCKED UP.
REMEMBER POWER PAD FOR NINTENDO? THAT AWESOME RUN YOU HAD TO DO BY BARELY LIFTING YOUR HEELS OFF THE GROUND. CHEETAH HAD NO CHANCE. I REMEMBER TRYING TO CHEAT AND USE MY KNUCKLES. WERE THERE ANY OTHER GAMES? TOP GUN? HARD TO LAND THE PLANE, FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE TO REFUEL. IF YOU SAY THAT YOU EVER REFUELED OR BEAT IT YOU ARE A FUCKING LIAR. SPEED UP SLOW DOWN HOW ABOUT SETTING UP FOR A MASSIVE GI JOE BATTLE. REMEMBER THE GUYS THAT WERE ALL FUCKED UP (LIKE THAT WIERD THING BETWEEN THEIR LEGS BROKE THEN THE LEGS GOT FLOPPY) AND YOU ALREADY KNEW THEY WOULD BE THE FIRST TO DIE. YOU DIDNT EVEN WASTE TIME GIVING THEM A GUN OR BITING THEIR HAND TO MAKE SURE IT FIT. SOMETIMES I SPENT SO LONG SETTING IT UP I LOST URGE TO PLAY. EVERYONES NINTENDO WAS DIFFERENT AND U HAD TO BE SKILLED TO WORK IT. "NO DUMBASS YOU BLOW INTO IT PUSH IT HALF WAY DOWN THEN PUSH POWER AND RESET AT THE SAME TIME" HOW MAD WERE YOU WHEN THE MAIN SCREEN POPED UP AND YOU THOUGHT IT WAS GO TIME ONLY TO HAVE THE RED LIGHT ON THE FRONT AND THE SCREEN START FLASHING. JUMPING ON THE DUCKS FOR FREE GUYS IN LEVEL 3-1 WAS MY SPECIALTY. DID U HATE THE HAMMER THROWING HOMOS IN THE HIGHER LEVELS? TO THIS DAY I DONT KNOW HOW EVERYONE FOUND ALL THOSE SECRETS. I SAW A NEW ONE THE OTHER DAY. MYT ROOMATE WAS ALL FUCKED UP PLAYING AT 4 IN THE AM AND SHOWED ME HOW TO GET FIRE BALLS WHILE BEING SMALL. SWITCH SUBJECT- HOW BAD DID YOU WANT PIZZA AFTER WATCHING THE OPENING SCENES FOR NINJA TURTLES 2. WHEN THE CHEESE STRETCHES AS THEY R BITING IT. DID YOU SEE ANY OF THE EARNEST MOVIES IN THE THEATER? I SAW EARNEST SAVES CHRISTMAS....TWICE I HATED TAPE PLAYERS WHERE YOU HAD TO FLIP IT OVER AND HIT FAST FOWARD BECAUSE THEY DIDNT HAVE A REWIND BUTTON. DID YOU INFLATE YOUR REEBOK PUMPS TILL THEY POPPED OR REMOVE THE PUMP ONCE THEY WERE BEAT UP. WHAT KINDA STARTER JACKET DID YOU OWN? YES THE NEW BECKETT IS OUT GOTTA CHECK THE CARD PRICES. SPEAKING OF THAT... CARD SHOWS AT THE MALL WERE AWESOME. YOU KNOW SLATER WOULD HAVE WHIPPED ZACKS ASS MR BELDING - "HEY HEY HEY HEY WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" EVER PUT A NEW PAIR OF SOCKS ON AND SLIDE AROUND THE KITCHEN FLOOR? I FUCKING KNOW U DID. WHERE IN THE WORLD IS CARMEN SANDIEGO? OREGON TRAIL, I ALWAYS DIED. WISHING YOU COULD GET SLIMMED ON DOUBLE DARE. HEY DUDE YOU WANTED THAT BIG NOSE BROTHER FREAK FROM BLOSSOM TO GO BACK TO DRINKING AND CRASH HIS AMBALANCE. BIG MONEY NO WHAMMY AND STOP! PRESS YOUR LUCK BITCH. THAT WAS THE BEST PART ABOUT MISSING SCHOOL. YOU KNOW WHAT SUCKED WAS USING CARD CATALOGS IN SCHOOL TO FIND BOOKS. DONT YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK TO THOSE DAYS OF NO BILLS AND NO RESPONSIBILITYS...NO REALITY SHOWS. | 
